WANDERLAND

After you die, it is believed that you have 7 minutes of brain activity left inside you, and in the 7 minutes you experience your entire life over, in a kind of dream… Because in a dream time is stretched.

So if this is the case, what if right now you’re in that 7 minutes. How do you know if you’re alive or just reliving old memories.

you know that moment when you realize the next 5 years worth of your dreams are at your fingertips and in your gut you know that everything you dream can come true…. THIS IS THAT MOMENT FOR ME.

i continue to wake in tears. i am in a place where nothing is what it seems, as always, but somehow i find this place welcoming and full of possibility. anything is possible. i did not even know i had the need to so seriously escape this. i cannot say yet whether this new option will truly be better but it is different and different i can do. herein lies the possibility of making a world where things are exactly as they seem and life goes on. but sometimes, i think, when it really matters, life wont go on, not in that way. life will merely meander- never truly beginning again until that worth waiting a million lifetimes for has returned. i cannot make myself believe that it wont be a possibility; on the exact flip side of that- i know in my gut i will wait a million lifetimes for it too.

i think of all the things i’m trying to be and that voice just sends me to thoughts of who i’ve been over and over and over again. i hurt so many people so badly and they suffer everyday over my carelessness and thoughtlessness. misdirected good intent and a lack of interpersonal effectiveness destroyed a very beautiful light inside of the gentlest soul on earth and she has a flame that still flickers and it’s as beautiful as the last, but the intensities have lessened; the magnificence of it protected. “i owe it to that soul to focus. focus your thoughts back to the real; the changed. get out of this dark place quickly.” tears begin to fall, my eyes burn with the hope of removing the pains of others suffering at my hands. i should suffer, not them. “please Universe, make their suffering mine.”